Is Marriage for Buffoons?
There has been a shift in the western view of marriage. It used to be that young people looked forward to the prospect of finding “the one”, getting married, and having children. Nowadays I meet very few young people who are eager to get married. Just the other day, a young man I know said to me, “Me, get married? You kidding! Not this guy!” Seems as though a goodly number of young people today are either afraid of or have no interest in marriage. But why?
I suppose I don’t ultimately know. But I suspect that the media has some hand in this. After all, how many cool married people are on TV these days? Take a look at some of the more popular drama and comedy shows over the past number of years. Do shows like CSI New York, CSI Miami, Numbers, Law and Order, Seinfeld, Everybody Loved Raymond or King of Queens have any positive portrayals of marriage? No. Then there's John and Kate plus Eight who are now going through a nasty media-sponsored separation.
Most of these shows feature good-looking, successful, career-oriented cool professionals free wheeling it through life with no marital ties on the horizon. In shows where couples are married, the man or both are portrayed as buffoons (ladies would you want to be married to Ray???)! The implication for the viewer is that the single life offers freedom, fun and popularity, while married people are backward and weird.
Let’s not deceive ourselves, shows like these do more than entertain; they shape worldviews often without the viewer’s consent. Could it be that this is one of the reasons why marriage seems to be on the decline?
I’d like to hear from others on this blog post. Why do you think so many Westerners—both within and without the church—are delaying or neglecting marriage?
posted by Rev. Dr. Aaron Rock at
5/28/2009 12:46:00 p.m.
5 Comments:
Right On Aaron!!
It seems in TV land married people are miserable,never enjoy each other and can only have a satisfying physical relationship with somebody other than there spouse.
I say- TURN THE TV OFF!
I believe two incomes is also a huge factor . If you work with someone for 40 or more hours, you may know them better than your spouse and even confide in them more often- that's no good.
Separate bank accounts? - not in my parent's generation.
The idea of divorce being "unacceptable" seems to have gone from our social mind set along with the idea that you have to be financially sound before you start a family.
There are alot of problems out there (real or perceived) previous generations didn't worry about.
I think they're scared.
7:53 p.m.
I too definitely believe that the entertainment industry and the media are predominantly responsible for the low view of marriage in society today. When God and the traditional family structure are totally dismissed from secular society, hedonism and all kinds of disordered lifestyles become pervasive as they now are. My wife works in a flower shop that specializes in wedding work and half of the girls coming in for wedding consultations, those who are from our “western culture”, already have children. Their priorities seem to be in the order of; career/education, money, children and then marriage. This follows right after the pattern of celebrities that we see on television and in the media. We’re not seeing this so much with immigrant families from other cultures.
Financial considerations also are big in delaying marriage as the cost of a wedding is averaging almost $25,000. Weddings have become big business that is quite excessive. A show on television, “Rich Bride Poor Bride”, highlights this.
Within the church, I think the problem is failure to recognize and seek God’s providence and provision in and for marriage. I think you nailed it when you wrote, about finding “the one”, Aaron. If it becomes obvious to a guy that a relationship is providential why would he wait more than a year to consummate it in marriage? Knowing that it’s providential, also helps to preserve marriage.
I just read an interesting quote from John MacArthur yesterday on marriage in the church, answering the claim from a survey that may be scaring some, that divorce rates are no better among Christians than among others. He labels the survey “evangelical urban legend”, quote;
“I don’t believe it, and in fact, I believe that is to dishonor the Lord, to say that the power of Christ is zero in a marriage—the power of the Holy Spirit in a marriage. I don’t believe that. I do not believe that true Christians get divorced at the same rate that non-Christians do.”
http://www.shepherdsfellowship.org/pulpit/posts.aspx?ID=4243
4:30 p.m.
Good question --- I think that many Westerners are delaying or neglecting marriage due to a fear of commitment.
We hesitate to commit to a social event in case something else comes up that may be more ‘important’. Occupations have become short term instead of long term. It is the norm to change job positions and employers a number of times throughout our working years, especially in the current economic conditions. And then we have the marriage commitment – requiring a life long commitment to one person.
The media presents commitment to marriage as not only unnecessary but impossible. What if I meet someone else I like better? What if it takes too much effort to keep the relationship strong? What if I have to make some sacrifices – my ‘toys’, my hobby, my time? Is it worth it? – not if marriage is defined by what is portrayed in the media.
Marriage is a partnership. It does take work, but the rewards are immeasurable. Webster’s Dictionary defines marriage as a ‘blending of different elements and components’. To me, ‘blending’ is a life long process of learning together to enjoy the differences and similarities that each partner brings into the union. It is an adventure to see where the Lord takes you together, and to see how He is able to strengthen you as individuals and also as a team.
10:35 p.m.
I am not sure how to respond as I don't have many facts - though I did try to look up some surveys and commentaries.
My first thought is that I am not so convinced that TV shows influence the timing of marriage as much as you postulate here. Many in their early 20's don't even watch that much TV. People I work with who have just graduated from university don't watch TV regularly - they are too busy with their social lives - going out and having fun. I do agree that the media has definitely promoted some disagreeable views of marriage but I am not sure how much this causes delaying marriage.
Economics does play a huge factor and many surbanite singles are looking to get established in their careers before settling down. Also the rate of "live-in" has increased - people just aren't willing to make the marriage commitment when they have the live-in option. Separating after living-in is much less complicated than going through a divorce. I think it is the changing morals of our society that affect this and not necessarily totally due to the media.
In the church - could it be that so much emphasis is placed on finding the "right" one to make a lasting marriage that Christians are afraid to marry?
10:25 p.m.
Preach it Doc Rock!
As a young man (24) getting married soon, (8 days), the role of men in culture is one of my favorite hobby horses to jump on. I can't tell you how many people at work tell me that my life is going to be over after the wedding. Nothing could be further from the truth. I look forward to the gift of the role of husband as leader and head, just as my fiancee looks forward to the gift of the role as ezer, encourager and wife. We are so looking forward to life as a married couple and Lord willing, in the future, parenthood.
On the media front, I think you hit the nail on the head, we haven't had a positive male role model on TV since Uncle Phil on The Fresh Prince and Carl Winslow from Family Matters. Consider that the best male role model on TV right now is Billy Ray Cyrus from Hannah Montana and realize how sad that is...
Marriages are a wonderful gift from our Father, but we have perverted them to be all about "the wedding" and as someone going through that, I am disgusted by it.
I've been doing some digging in my bible trying to define when a "marriage" begins, and I've come up with three criteria, so correct me if I am wrong, but here's what I got.
To be married, you need:
Commitment: A commitment (covenant) needs to exist between the couple, one that has been made between themselves and the Lord, forget Gay or straight, marriage is for the children of God...(that last part is tangential, but needs to be said...
Affirmation: This covenant needs to be affirmed by the body of believers surrounding the couple.
Consummation: As far as God is concerned, you are not married until this occurs. (special circumstances such as a physical disability notwithstanding, we're not legalists here)
So clearly I need to find a synonym for affirmation that starts with "C" so that this becomes preachable...
I will jump for joy, when the modern "wedding" is abolished within the family of God, and pastors tell their people "Go to city hall, get your legal ducks in a row (Romans 13) then come to the church and have a real wedding, then we'll have a potluck in the basement (or something).
$20,000 for one day is ludicrous (I should know...I'm getting close) it starts you off on the wrong foot financially, I know we'll spend months if not years before we feel like our heads are above water.
So good job on this post, (makes up for your bad theology on the UFC post. :P )
1:03 a.m.
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